I Tried Meditating

For the past year, I have been hearing and reading the word "meditation" from my friends, self-help books. and online articles but I just kept ignoring it, thinking that it does not really work and it's pure B.S. (no offense)

We live in a world where everything is fast-paced and the only rest you get is doing something you enjoy and/or sleep so, I thought 'Why waste your time on meditation?' but with all these stress and anxiety that I am feeling from being unemployed and being incompetent made me decide that I should try it. I took the advice of Jen Sincero, author of You are a Badass, who stated in her book that people can start off practicing meditation for five minutes a day until you can do it longer and reach 30 minutes. What really convinced me was when she talked about being okay that you only reached "The Zone" for 30 seconds and that is perfectly okay and it those few seconds would already be a great help with connecting to your self and the universe. For my first day, I did twice because my first try was a fail; I did it inside my bedroom with my sister in the bathroom inside my bedroom and my younger brother and father at the living room talking also, we live near the airport and we hear airplanes take off every 0 minutes and that really distracted me, from the shower noise to my brother's voice to that airplane. I did it for around 4 minutes before I start feeling itchy and restless, like my body had been cramped from the the indian sit position. I felt so frustrated that I just decided to try again some other time.

For my second try that same day it was really unplanned, my sister and I decided to jog at the park and get some fresh air, and when we were finally relaxing and just enjoying the nature, I convinced my sister to try it with me and so we did, and this time it was partially successful. I did not feel restless and itchy and I did focus on my breathing unlike my first try but of course, it is a public place and there are a lots of kids playing so, it was noisy but at that time, I think I was perfectly fine with the noise and felt relaxed until a few distracting thoughts came to mind and so, I did my best to just keep focusing but I suddenly broke my trance but this time, it feels different. I opened my eyes and face feels numb and relax in a way, and the noise got louder and the colors are more vibrant and, I swear I felt my hand go jelly for a few minutes after that meditation trial. I don't know if I have achieved going into "The Zone" since, I did break the trance 50 seconds shy from 5 minutes also, I am not really sure if the vibrancy of the colors was the effect of closing my eyes for a 4 whole minutes. I am not really sure what I am doing and what I should feel and think during and after the mediation but I am gonna try this for a few weeks and see, how it turns out. My motivation is to just really clear my head and know what I really want and I want to make the right decisions in life that I would not regret later on -I just really want to get to know my true and vulnerable self through connecting my mind, spirit, and body with the external forces and hope for a compromise between the two.